I’ve been struggling with my statement of interest for Graduate School for the past month of so. I have gone and met with four of my favorite profs and I received two examples of these kind of statement from two successful UBC graduate students yet I am still unable to write anything very consistent. The other day, I managed to voice my concern to SD and it helped quite a bit. I am now attempting to finish my first draft but I am stuck one more time so I decided to make a list again:
1) I feel comfortable here and I am a bit scared of moving out yet once again even though I have done it three times in the past and managed to survive.
2) Starting all over again (bank account, bed sheets….) is annoying.
3) If I stay in Vancouver, I’d have to do the application process all over again for Phd but if I get in a school in the states I might be able to just do all in one go.
4) I might be in a great school but in the middle of nowhere with very few other students.
5) Every times I have to talk about myself and say good things, I always stop myself thinking: “Do you really believe you can do that? no-one would ever believe that you are good anyway.”
6) I will definitely be allowed to change my subject of studies but I still have troubles writing what I want to study now.
7) The more I panic about it, the more I try to calm myself by doing something else and I get distracted.
8) I tell myself that I’ll be fine but It’s what I told myself before I failed a class. In a way, I can’t trust myself anymore but I have no other choice.
9) When I talk to an English native speaker, I tend to be very self-conscious about my english. It’s the same when I have to write well in English, I feel my ability to write anything coherent goes done the drain.
10) I wonder if It is really worth it to apply to so many schools knowing that my grades are not that great and they might not want to take me anyway. (But Prof L. told me to do all or nothing and I think her advice on that matter was the best).
11) I have other essays to write for current school classes and I feel they are side-tracking me from what really matters now.
12) I feel like I have some much debts to my profs now because I am not taking any of their classes now but they still took so much time to meet with me and help out. I need to give them some christmas present to say thank you. I might need to make nice cookies.
13) I want to be useful.
14) There are some people whom I will miss dearly.
Edit: It is 1h20 am and I have some sort of a draft… Now I need feedbacks! And sleep. And I also need to write an essay for an Anthropology class, study for a Japanese quiz and prepare a presentation. Fun Fun Fun!