Ranting · Wondering

Automatic Writing

Today, with two friends, I went to a sociology free lunch event during which we were supposed to talk about majoring or minoring in Sociology and a lot of other concerns we could have about Sociology in general. And a free lunch, which, most of UBC students know now to be free pizza slides.

To be entirely honest, the mention of free lunch was maybe what motivated me the most at first but our teacher told us last class that it was a totally acceptable reason to come so I didn’t feel that guilty about it.

You know, when you enter University in North America, most of the time people will tell you that your first year is a year for adjustment, a year within which you will just look around at different courses, trying to figure out what you’ll do with your life.  Is that true ? Well, yes and no. In fact, you’ll soon figure out that if you want to declare a major during your third year, you may be too late already because some majors feel up so fast that you need to apply at least one year before. Fair enough, few places, earlier application, only the best will get in. But what you probably will discover later is that you need some requirements to enter some major, and that you need to take these courses during your first and second year most of time. Meaning that if you feel like lectures on the history of religion and first nation studies could be nice to attend but not to major in, you may find yourself short in requirements just because you took interesting or more original  courses . That means that you are not that free during your first year. Well, I bet a lot of people discovered that already and are working toward their goal slowly and nicely.

Papillon

Live is made out of choices, that what people says. When you were in primary school they asked you to choose between the very highly popular English or German as a first foreign language that will follow you until High School. This was not really your choice as your parents ticked the “German” box telling you that “you’ll be in a GOOD class” because German was supposed to be more difficult and less attractive as English.

Well, You didn’t mind too much because even though all your friends took English, you’ll be able to see them every day as you’ll go to the same school as them. You probably didn’t forsee that they will labeled you and the entire and single German class as “nerds” and other nice names and that they will totally ignored the like of you after they moved out of their English class to another more “classy school”. Oh, and talking about the “nerds” class that you expected so much about ( maybe they do READ ! I’ll have people with who to discuss Harry Potter with ! and they probably won’t be listening to all the radio phonic garbage that everyone is trying to sell you everyday…), you had soon became aware of the fact that they are not different from the rest of the crowd, except that they truly thing they are the best of the best, la crème de la crème. And talking about reading and music you’ll remember all your life how the girl you disliked  the most told you in a debate that you were weird to read for leisure and that TV was the only way she cool relaxed.

Then they gave you another choice, the choice to take Latin, English, and you took it following your own free will even though older students told you all about it. Live is made of choice.

p2200378

And came high school and more choices, where to go ? to do what ? and they asked you again to make a choice. Will you follow the crowd and the elite where you’re supposed to go or will you choose to learn a weird language in the worst school of the town where students are known to be failures ? Well, you did what you wanted anyway and after the first year, they asked you again to make a choice… will you please put a label on yourself ? will you be doing science all the time and become the ELITE of tomorrow ? will you work on economics ? will you be less than all of that and decided to do Literature ? the class where everyone is lazy or genius ?  And after that ? what will you do ? You decided to move away, to see the world by yourself and that probably helped but here again, they asked you to stick to the rules. They asked you to apply to Uni, they asked you to choose what to do.

They asked you to label yourself again, to choose a road , a major , a career, a life.

They wondered why you’re doing now, the asked what “arts” is. They asked if you were doing theatre. They praised themselves for studying harder, they meant that they were better than you. The asked why you don’t have a boyfriend. They wondered about your futur. They asked what you’ll do later. They urged you to choose a road, because they need to know where you’ll end and if they’ll still be higher in society than you. They laugh and they smirked when you tried to explained you didn’t know. They exposed their lives around the Internet, choosing carefully the best quotes, the best pictures that showed their fake happiness and success. They didn’t think being different was good but they didn’t see that everyone of us is unique in some ways. They still know the same people and they will probably marry between their own kind. They probably talked the same way they always did, they probably are the same.

Talking with Pr. Corrigall-Brown and Guppy allowed me to add some more thoughts on top of everything. You know how people become Professor in University ? they get a PHD. They don’t go to Education school. That’s why you can have great teachers that don’t know their stuffs and encyclopedia that don’t know how to teach and share their endless knowledge. And sometimes you’re lucky because you get a mix of the two of them.

Now let’s say you’re in first year at UBC and you wish to become a University Professor. Well, you have at least 10 years of studying in front of you. If you’re 19 you’ll start working at 29. You’ll be a student most of your life, you’ll pay endless fees and you’ll probably starve and live miserably during this time. Contrast that with some people you knew that ended school when they were 16. They are already working now. They are already “active” in live, they are walking faster. Did we leaved them behind or did they go faster than us ?

Think about that now. You could be dead tomorrow. You can be crashed by a car, you could fell in your stairs. What will that whole would have been for ? Will you be better because you studied until then ? Was it a waste because you could have done other things ? Do graduate students go to heaven ? What’s the point of all of that ? We know that the answer is 42 but after that, we’re not very much further on the question.

How do you choose your major ? How do you choose what you’ll do whith your life ? How do you know you like something better ?

There is a clock ticking around here, a hourglass that is slowing dropping sand drops. Did you ever feel scared to be older when you’re just 19 ? What will it be when/if you reached 90 ?

Do you belive in destiny ? Which one then, is everything written or can everything be change by the flapping of the wings of the famous butterfly ? What if we just mess up everything by turning left instead of right ? Why do Christmas cakes get discount prices after the 25 th ?

Leftovers

Someone told me I should think about the moment that is happening right now, to go with the flow, to see everything at it is now. This is maybe the solution.

Music overheard in the background:

Red Stars– The Birthday Massacre

Latika’s Theme-R Rahman and Suzanne

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4 thoughts on “Automatic Writing

  1. I ran across your blog by accident. Ironically, I’m actually a sociology major myself, and I’ve met Guppy a few times. He runs the mentoring program. But I think your thoughts are quite legitimate. Strangely enough being 29, now, I didn’t do a lot of studying. The funny thing is that no matter how much we pry in to life, or no matter how much we do..sometimes we win..and sometimes we lose. A basic part of life I feel.

  2. Thank you very much for passing by. Make me realised how small and big the Internet is in the same time.
    Say, Can I ask you how you made up your mind on your major ?
    I wonder how one’s feel after going as far as reaching 29 and finishing studying.

  3. Life is made of choices. That’s right. But sometimes you make the choices, sometimes life chooses for you and you realize it afterwards.And so what? Do you really think we are aware of each and every moment we are living? Imagine you are eating a good dish (let’s say a freshly-made cha gio!!!). What do you do? Are you just enjoying its crispy taste or are you considering all the ingredients inside? Or the person who fried it and is now washing her hair, mumbling “ça pue” (yeah, that’s me!). Or the poor pig that was slaughtered? Or the conditions of its murder? Or the way it was carried from its pigsty to the slaughterhouse? You get my point? LIVE!!! And ask yourself some questions, but in the right time and in the right place. I am not saying that you have to go unconcerned and ignorant, but if your endless questioning impairs you, your choice is to lessen the questionning. And you observe what is going on, trying to relax and to grasp the right opportunity at the right moment. Having reached half a century now, I think that this is the key of success. And by success I mean what is good for you, what you can be proud of, or no too ashamed of. So the criteria are completely different, as people are completely different. You have certainly heard of this moron Seguela who said: “he who doesn’t possess a Rolex after 50yrs is a failure”. I don’t. And I don’t consider myself as a failure, far from it, although there are choices I wish I had not made. I am persuaded that there is a thread in each life (you can call it fate if you like) and you follow it. Or you don’t. It depends on your choices. and sometimes you don’t know. So stick to your ideas, ideals and try not to be too unhappy. Work hard, because it is good to have someting strong to rely on when you need it. And try to enjoy your 19yrs old. Keep your worries for later, but stay alert to grasp every interesting opportunity. And if you don’t know, well you don’t know. Sleep on it and tomorrow you’ll think better. In some countries, girls are not allowed to study at all, their possibilities of choices are very limited. Nobody is threatening you to starve to death if you don’t know right now what kind of professional you will become, and in what field you will work. You are very lucky, because your parents believe in you and are ready to support your choices, should you change your mind several times, as long as you keep working and stay concerned and committed to what you are doing.
    When I started university, I studied Pharmacy because I was interested in healing but I thought medical studies lasted too long. I was driven to medical studies anyway (and spent one extra year studying!). As a medical student, I was interested in Psychiatry but I felt I was not fit enough to listen to other’s miseries all day long. I was driven to Psychiatry anyway, by chance. Or was it fate? My last semester I spent in a child psychiatry department, and the boss gave me the opportunity to graduate as a child psychiatrist. And years after, I realized that the way my elder sister had been mistreated had had a major role in my “choice”. And now, I have several opportunities to help children escape the fate of my elder sister. Isn’t that funny?
    I know scientists who never asked themselves a third of the questions you wrote about. They are brilliant and very poor personalities. Some are happy, some aren’t.
    You are obviously brilliant, and you can use yout mind to built stone after stone something that will take shape gradually, and you will be surprised and, I hope, proud and happy to discover what it is. Don’t use too much wits to torture yourself with questions. And stay alert!
    Cupule
    PS I love you.

  4. Waooouuu what an amazing universe !!!! After 20 minutes reading and trying to understand each sentence of the currently debate i try to say something a bit intelligent : euh….je crois que je vais parler en français car l’anglais pour exprimer des idées profondes, ben soit on habite à Vancouvert, soit on s’appelle cupule mais moi je ne sais pas faire.
    Je pense que de toute façon vu ce que tu as écris là, il ne peut que t’arriver des bonne choses parce que c’est vraiment très bien écrit, c’est intéressant et surtout se poser des questions, ça permet non seulement d’être à peut près en accord avec toi même dans ta vie et ça permet aussi de trouver du boulot et de ne pas mourrir de faim (c’mon i’m starving!!).
    C’est vrai que c’est difficile de trouver sa voie mais qui te demande de trouver ta voie? de te mettre dans la moule? de suivre tous les autres? Tu le dit toi même tu ne l’as pas fait jusqu’à présent alors ca sert a rien de commencer maintenant. Et puis te forcer ça donnera rien. Tu as fais des truc géniaux jusqu’à présent pourquoi est-ce que tu veux suivre les autres. Il faut juste suivre ce que tu as envi de faire, ce que tu trouve intéressant, digne d’intérêt. La seule chose qui compte c’est de ne rien regretter, c’est dur et pour ça il faut te poser les bonne questions, celle qui ont des réponses que tu peux trouver. Je pense pas que tu finira pas chomeuse à manger dans les poubelle tel un Primo dans sa jeunesse folle (mais bon dans ce cas je t’acceuillerais dans mon T1…gentil hein?).
    Laisse la vie se passer, profite de tout ce dont tu peux profiter actuellement, choisit ce qui te semble le plus intéressant, discute au maximum avec les gens autour.Tu sais même si certains tu les trouve bête et pas intéressant à cause de leurs gout, leur activité et ben certains peuvent t’apporter qq truc biens, et te faire avancer de par leurs expériences et peut être que certain se posent les mêmes question que toi, en différent. Moi j’aime bien rencontrer des gens discuter avec eux même si beaucoup m’énervent, et après tu passe plus de temps avec tes vrais amis triés sur le volet.
    En tout cas ton bloc il est beau et j’aime bien la lune verte en fromage, même si quand le fromage est vert les luniens ne sont pas loin (comprenez les asticots…)
    Aller bisoux ma zaza à bientot.

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